Family Victory: Identify Your Parenting Style

During the 1960’s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind studied and described three different types of parenting styles: (1) Authoritarian, (2) Permissive, and (3) Authoritative. Later researchers identified a fourth type, the uninvolved parent.

Authoritarian parents were identified as having strict rules and expectations, being very demanding, utilizing punishments with little or no explanation. They gave children very little freedom in making decisions in their own lives. Children with these types of parents tended to develop less social skills, and have lower self-concepts.

Permissive parents also referred to as “indulgent” were found to place very few demands on their children.  They rarely employed discipline or clear standards.  Emphasis was on nurturing and friendship more than actual parenting. Children with these types of parents were found to be more aggressive and immature during their development.

Uninvolved parents were characterized as emotionally or physically detached from their children’s daily lives.  In extreme cases, these parents were observed to neglect the needs of their children, or even abandon all responsibility for parenting. Children raised in this group of parents ranked the lowest in all life domains as compared to other children.

Authoritative parents assertively employed clear rules, guidelines, and expectations with their children.  These types of parents tended to be much more democratic in their child rearing practices.  Discipline was used, however parents also had a variety of positive and reinforcing responses challenging behavior. Authoritative parents were generally more responsive and gave more feedback (both positive and negative) in everyday family situations. Studies found that children raised in these types of homes ranked highest on measures of social competence, self-concept, and other indicators of healthy development.

This week’s reflection point:  Which style best describes your parenting?

• What behavioral challenges do you face right now in your family?  List your top five.
• Identify your typical response to each of these behavioral challenges.
• What types of consequences do you use in your parenting? List as many types as you can.
• Do you have a variety of responses to your children’s behavioral challenges? Are they effective?
• For the next week, commit to reflecting on how you respond to your children.  Write down your observations, and prayerfully reflect on the impact you have with your current parenting style.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” As parents, we must recognize that every challenge in our family is an opportunity to mold our kids into mature, Christ-led adults.  We must be prepared with highly developed responses to the unique trials we face when parenting.

The above parenting styles demonstrate a “too hard, too soft, or just right” approach to parenting (with the exception of the “not at all” style in the case of the uninvolved parent).  At Christian Counseling Associates, we promote responsive faith-based parenting.  We are called to be wise parents who have a variety of skills and techniques to face the test of raising children. We must have a variety of incentives, consequences and at times effective punishment in our parenting toolbox.  How is your parenting approach going?  Is it “just right?”

From time to time, all parents need help.  If your parenting challenges are leaving you frustrated, confused, or you feel you are yelling way too much, call us.  We have wise counselors that can help you develop a responsive, faith based approach to experiencing a victory in your parenting challenge.